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I grew up in a lovely Austrian town in the 1980s and 1990s. It was a place with about 300,000 people where childhood felt safe and free. Those were the days when I collected small troll dolls, plastic toys, and colorful stickers (most of you won't know what this is!). We spent our afternoons playing in gardens with all the neighborhood kids and riding our bikes on the streets without our parents watching us. We didn't know that mobile phones would change our lives later.
When I came home from school each day, my cat would always wait for me at the driveway. This daily habit filled my heart with happiness. I would go straight to our home phone to call my best friend. Sometimes my dad would let me use his computer to try this new thing called the internet or chat with friends online.
Most of my friends had pets, and my family was the same. When I was a teenager, I had three hamsters, two rabbits, and one very special cat. To me, they were all like family members, but I loved my cat the most. My dad thought about pets very differently because he grew up on a farm and belonged to an older generation. He kept more distance from animals, but he understood that our pets were important to me and he respected that.
When my last hamster "Mr. Beans" died, I felt I had to organize a proper funeral for him in our garden. I carefully put him in a special box that would break down in the soil and asked my friends to join the ceremony. But when we began walking slowly to his burial spot, my friends started laughing. Their laughter got worse and worse until I felt so hurt and embarrassed that I had to stop everything.
I felt terrible because my friends were not taking my feelings seriously, even though I had cared for my hamster with so much real love. Thankfully, my dad came to help me, and together with my family, we finished the ceremony with the respect and care I had wanted from the beginning. I was still sad, but I felt peaceful knowing that I had given my beloved pet the goodbye he needed and that my pain was being seen as real and important.
Then vs. Now: A Cultural Shift
The way we see pets today as family members, best friends, or even like children is very different from how things were when I was growing up. As a millennial, I saw how people kept much more distance between humans and animals back then. Pets often had jobs to do instead of just being companions.
At my grandmother's farm, for example, cats had the important job of catching mice, but they were never allowed inside the house. This doesn't mean people were mean to their animals, but the relationship had clear rules that kept pets and humans separate in ways that seem strange today.
I remember how my dad did not want my cat sleeping in my bed, so I had to hide her under my blankets when he wasn't looking. Today, this is completely normal and expected. People might think you're strange if you don't let your pet share your sleeping space. This change from "pets are just animals" to "pets are family members" started with millennials, but Gen Z has made it happen much faster.
This big change also affects how we handle pet loss. The past 20 to 30 years have brought big changes in how pet parents can show their sadness. Today, you can openly cry and feel sad when your pet dies without people laughing at you or saying "it was just an animal" like they did when I was young. But change takes time, and society still doesn't see pet death and grief as the same as losing a human family member. It will probably take another ten years before most people fully understand that sadness is personal, no matter what causes it, and that all kinds of love-based sadness should be respected.
Stories from People My Age
I asked some of my 40-something friends about their experiences with pet loss when we were young. Their stories show how different things were back then.
Ricarda grew up on a farm with many animals. Her mother never acknowledged sadness when one of them passed away. She remembers when their horse fell and hurt itself badly. Instead of calling the vet to help, her father shot the animal right away. This was a big shock, but her family never discussed it again.
As an adult, she approaches things differently. When her dog April got cancer and couldn't recover, she asked a vet to come to her house. April passed away at home with the people she loved around her. She took time to grieve and chose a beautiful urn to honor April's memory.
Chris didn't grow up with many animals, but he and his sister had a fluffy hamster called Kasimir. They loved playing with him because he was intelligent and really attached to them. When his time came, the hamster disappeared one day. Their parents had taken him away, and the children never learned what happened to his body. Both kids felt sad and guilty. Without any ceremony to say goodbye, it felt like they had betrayed their beloved pet.
Now, Chris handles loss differently. When his rabbits Clara and Belle passed away, he had them cremated and buried their ashes in his garden. When he sits outside now, he can see their grave and remembers the happy times.
When my cat got old and very sick, we decided to put her to sleep to end her suffering. This was one of the hardest choices we ever made. I was a teenager then, and my dad made the decision. I agreed because I couldn't bear watching Flocki in pain anymore. We didn't collect her ashes. We followed what was common back then - we left the vet's office, and our beloved pet was cremated with many others. I remember feeling so lonely when my dad returned with the empty carrier. That was it.
Now, I would handle things differently. I would bring the ashes home and select a meaningful urn from Heartstrings, probably the urn "Orbit". I would place it somewhere visible every day to remember when my beloved cat sat on my lap while we watched TV together.
Most people my age share similar experiences. They flushed dead goldfish down the toilet. Animals suddenly vanished. Or families buried them hastily in the backyard. Even as children, we knew we wanted to keep our companions close and say goodbye properly. Everyone I've spoken to from my generation handles their pets' deaths very differently now. Each person has their own approach, but it's completely different from how it was managed when we were kids.
How Younger People See It Today
The change from my generation to today's young people is amazing. I talked to some people in their twenties and early thirties about how they handle pet loss. Their approach is completely different from what we experienced growing up.
Sarah, who is 28, told me about her dog Max who died last year. She took two days off work to grieve - something that would have been impossible when I was her age. She posted photos of Max on social media and received hundreds of supportive messages from friends. She organized a celebration of his life in her backyard with close friends who all shared happy memories of Max. For Sarah, this was normal and expected.
Tom, who is 25, explained how he and his roommates handled losing their cat Luna. They created a photo album together and each wrote letters to Luna that they read aloud before cremating her. Tom said none of his friends thought this was strange - everyone understood that Luna was family.
What strikes me most about these younger pet parents is how open they are about their emotions. They don't hide their tears or apologize for feeling sad. They expect support from employers, friends, and family. They take the time they need to cope with the loss.
Young people also use technology differently for grieving. They create online memorials, share videos of their pets, and connect with other pet parents who understand their loss. Social media becomes a place to celebrate pet lives, not just human lives.
This generation doesn't see pet grief as something to get over quickly. They understand that loving relationships continue even after death. They want meaningful ways to honor their pets and keep their memories alive.
The Psychology Behind the Change
Why did this change happen? There are some important reasons that help us understand.
First, scientists have learned more about how our brains work when we love someone or something. When we love our pets, our brains work the same way as when we love people. The love is real. The pain when we lose them is real too. This is not just in our heads - it's science.
Second, people have learned that saying goodbye properly helps us feel better. When someone we love dies, we need rituals. Rituals are special things we do to remember them. This might be a funeral, a special ceremony, or keeping something that reminds us of them. These things help our hearts heal. When my friends laughed at Mr. Beans' funeral, they didn't understand this. But my dad did. He knew I needed to say goodbye in my own way.
Third, we now understand that everyone feels sadness differently. Some people cry a lot. Some people become very quiet. Some people want to talk about their pet all the time. Some people want to be alone. All of these ways are normal and okay.
The most important thing scientists have learned is about "continuing bonds." This means that love doesn't stop when someone dies. We can still feel connected to our pets after they die. We can still talk to them in our hearts. We can keep their memory alive in special ways. This is healthy and good for us.
For many years, people thought you had to "get over" losing a pet quickly. They thought it was strange to keep thinking about them. Now we know this was wrong. Keeping our pets' memory alive helps us heal. It helps us feel better over time.
Creating Space for Every Bond
Today's pet parents have many more options for honoring their beloved companions. The pet memorial industry has grown because people want meaningful ways to remember their pets. Beautiful urns, custom jewelry, photo albums, and garden memorials help people create continuing bonds with their pets.
What matters most is that each memorial feels right for the relationship you had with your pet. Some people prefer simple and private memorials. Others want elaborate celebrations. Some keep ashes at home, while others scatter them in special places. There is no right or wrong way - only what feels meaningful to you.
Modern pet urns are designed to be beautiful pieces that you're proud to display in your home. They're not hidden away like something shameful. They become part of your daily life, a gentle reminder of the love you shared. When you see the urn each day, you might smile remembering a funny thing your pet did, or feel comforted knowing they're still close to you.
Honoring Every Love Story
Every relationship with a pet is unique, just as mine was with Mr. Beans and all of my pets. Every loss deserves recognition. Whether your companion was a hamster who lived for two years, a dog who shared fifteen years of your life, or a cat who comforted you through difficult times - their impact on your life was real and important.
If you're reading this and grieving a beloved pet, know that your feelings are valid. And you deserve whatever time and space you need to say goodbye in your own way. The world has finally caught up to what pet parents have always known - our animals are family, and losing them is one of life's most difficult experiences.
