When They're Gone but Not Forgotten: Continuing Bonds With Pets

When a pet crosses the rainbow bridge, the grief we feel is profound and deeply personal. For many of us, our pets are not “just animals” but cherished family members who fill our days with joy, unconditional love, and companionship. Their loss leaves an irreplaceable void, but it doesn't mean that our bond with them has to end. 

The idea of “continuing bonds” offers a new, compassionate perspective on grieving—one that embraces love and connection rather than encouraging us to “move on.” This blog explores what it means to continue your bond with a lost pet, why this process is so meaningful, and ways to honor your furry (or feathered, or scaly) friend’s memory.

Whether you're grappling with recent loss or looking for ways to support others on their grief journeys, this guide is here to provide understanding, comfort, and hope.

Understanding Pet Loss Grief

Grieving a pet is unlike any other type of grief, and yet, for many years, it has been overlooked or even dismissed. Thankfully, generations like millennials and Gen Z have helped normalize the experience of grieving for pets, bringing greater visibility to the depth of this loss.

However, challenges remain. Pet loss is often misunderstood by society, frequently dismissed as less significant than the grief experienced for a human loved one. This is known as disenfranchised grief, which refers to forms of mourning that fall outside societal norms or expectations. Hearing phrases like “It was just a dog” or “You can just get another cat” dismisses the unique relationship we shared with our animal companions. 

What makes pet loss grief so unique according to research? 

• The pain of loss is tied to the depth of the connection, not the nature of the relationship. What matters is the bond and its role in our lives. Losing a beloved pet can impact mental health as deeply as losing a human loved one. 
• Pets are constant in our lives. They greet us at the door, zipping by with wagging tails and gleaming eyes. Their presence weaves into the fabric of our daily routines. 
• Pets love without conditions. Unlike human relationships, their loyalty and affection remain steadfast and pure. Their loss is particularly hard because it feels like losing a source of unconditional love.
• Shared rituals, from bedtime belly rubs to long walks, make our bond feel intensely personal and intimate, leaving a void that no pet could simply “replace.”

Acknowledging the complexity of this grief is important. It’s okay to grieve deeply for your lost pet—it’s a sign of the love you shared and the life you created together.

The Concept of Continuing Bonds

Traditionally, coping with loss has been framed around finding “closure” or “moving on.” But a theory known as continuing bonds, first introduced by psychologist Dennis Klass, rethinks this outdated mindset. (You can learn more about Klass’s work here and watch a Youtube video of him explaining how he rethinks grief).

Continuing bonds suggest that loss doesn’t cut the ties of love—it transforms them. When our pets pass, we may no longer see them, but their presence, legacy, and impact remain part of our lives. By fostering these connections, we create space to heal, honor their memory, and nurture the love we shared.

Why are continuing bonds so important?

• They offer permission not to “get over it,” promoting emotional healing instead of burying grief.
• They recognize your pet as part of your identity, validating the significance of your relationship.
• They celebrate your love, making it a source of strength rather than pain.

Ways to Honor and Maintain Bonds

How can we keep our pets close—even after they’ve gone? Everyone grieves differently, but here are some meaningful ideas to explore:

Everyday Rituals

• Say goodnight to your pet’s photo on your nightstand or light a candle in their memory.
• Keep their collar, leash, or favorite toy in a visible spot to serve as gentle reminders of their presence.
• Hold onto a piece of their fur or ashes in a keepsake locket.

Create a Memorial

• Dedicate a special corner in your home with framed photos, a paw print keepsake. 
• Plant a tree or flowers in your garden to mark a living tribute.
• Customize a piece of jewelry featuring their name, paw print, or likeness.
• A unique urn that reflects their beautiful soul.

Do Good in Their Name

• Volunteer at a local animal shelter or rescue center.
• Donate to pet-related charities in your pet’s honor.
• Foster a pet or become an advocate for animal welfare.

Celebrate Through Stories

• Write a journal about your cherished memories together—those first wobbly steps as a puppy, their quirky habits, or even the silly tricks they tried (and failed!) to master.
• Share anecdotes with family, friends, or online communities. This not only helps keep their story alive but also helps others process their own grief.

The Role of Support Networks

Grieving can feel isolating, but it doesn’t have to be. Support networks—be it close friends, family, or online communities—are vital during this time.

Tips for Building Your Support System

1. Find pet loss support groups (both in-person and online). Spaces like the Rainbow Bridge Pet Loss Grief Center and Facebook groups can provide guidance and solidarity.
2. Be open with loved ones. Share your feelings with those you trust, even if they don’t share the same experience. Educating them about pet loss grief can pave the way for understanding.
3. Offer support to others. Engaging with fellow pet parents coping with loss can be profoundly healing for both parties.

Looking to the Future

Every pet parent processes their grief differently. Continuing bonds allow you to keep your pet’s love alive while gradually moving toward a future that includes joy—though it may look different than before.

Sometimes, loved ones or strangers offer well-meaning but hurtful advice like “Just get another pet.” While they may not understand the depth of your grief, remember that your timeline is your own.

When Is It Time for a New Pet?

If and when you feel ready to welcome another companion into your life, it’s NOT about replacing your lost pet. It’s about opening your heart to love again in a way that honors their legacy. Trust your instincts—you’ll know when the moment is right.

For Bonds That Last Forever

Pet loss grief is complex, but your bond doesn’t have to end with their passing. By nurturing continuing bonds, you’re giving yourself permission to love, heal, and honor the relationship you cherished so deeply.

If you’d like further guidance, check out The Loss of a Pet by Wallace Sife. Your love deserves recognition—and so does your grief.

Because when it comes to love, goodbyes aren’t forever.